Here is the "real" deal on movies currently in theaters. On another note, my oppinions on movies are not oppinions, they're facts...Jack.
And given the fact that I am a teacher, I'm going to grade movies as I would grade my kids.
Primeval
This movie got my attention because it was being advertised with the heading: "the worlds worst serial killer". However, when I found out that the "serial killer" was a crock and not a human, it took alot of the luster off the film for me. I think the movie's marketing executives quickly figured out that advertising this way and "surprising" the audience with the crock was a huge "buzz kill", so the crock eventually showed up in alot of the advertising in the opening weeks.
In terms of the actual film, they were going for a huge Jaws ripoff, hence the fact that they were trying to hide the fact that the killer was an animal. Once that didn't work, Primeval simply became a gore-fest. It was very apparent that film executives wanted to surprise the audience with the crock, due to the fact that you don't actually see him until about half way through the film. However, it didn't happen that way. We all knew it was a crock, so waiting to see him was aggrivating.
All in all, decent gore-fest with average acting, not a whole lot of plot. However, what saved the movie was the interesting crock visuals and the acting of Orlando Jones.
Overall, decent movie that wasn't as suprising or interesting as I'm sure it's creators wanted.Grade: C
Black Christmas
People are going to watch this movie because of the publicity it got for being a horror/Christmas movie. Don't waste your time. It's nothing more than that. It has no plot, it's gore is meaningless and there isn't an actor who can actually act in the entire cast.
It's simply a bad horror movie remake whose plot (and I'm using that term loosely) goes around in circles or is completely devoud at time. A horror movie set in a sorority house...so original!!!
On a more interesting note, I also went to see if Michelle Trachtenberg would "show" anything. She didn't, so the movie had absolutely no redeeming quality.
GRADE: D
Night at the Museum
This movie wasn't spectacular but was better than I expected. When I first saw the movie poster a few months back, I wondered why the movie was live-action as opposed to a creative, DreamWorks type CGI piece. However, they pulled it off pretty well.
While I consider Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson a complete waste of brain matter, I consider Robin Williams the complete opposite. First I questioned why a great actor like Williams would be in a movie with these two bumble-heads, however, he saved the movie to a certain extent.
While the plot was lame and it could have been funnier, what kept my interest was the way it was shot. Having "miniature" people come to life and for the most part, it not looking completely contrived and even funny at times was very redeeming.
As for the dudes, one word....Sacajawea!!!
Grade: C+
Happy Feet
An animated, kids movie with huge political overtones? Are you kidding me!!!
I was in the theater and at times I felt like I was watching a George W. Bush political debate on CNN. While I agreed with much of the politics they were pushing in the movie, I was amazed that any political agenda at all was being pushed to an age bracket who can't even vote.
Ok, enough of that. But if I don't believe me, go see the movie. Trust me, it's there and it's glaring. As for the movie, it was what you would expect, a visually stunning kid's movie. I was nothing spectacular. If you have little kids, pick up Shrek or another DreamWorks movie as there is alot more going on plot-wise.
A kid's movie with political overtones---are you kidding me!!!?
Grade: C+
Turistas
The whole "serial killer" on vacation thing is getting completely overdone...to the point that I want to throw up my lunch. I'm going to punch the next person who tries to rip off Eli Roth and Hostel (which I thought was a bit overratted consequently).
As for "eye-candy factor", there's enough to keep you happy and remember this name....Beau Garrett. However, you could put it hundreds more boobs and it doesn't discount the fact that the movie was pointless and a bad remake of a million similar movies that are being "birthed" lately.
Grade: D
Unaccompanied Minors
The best movie of the holiday season--bar none. Yes I love cheesy, happy kid's movies, so sue me. I saw if five times.
Believe it or not, it has a better plot than all the previous movies combined. And while I doubt any of the young actors are going to be giving academy award speeches anytime soon, they were all endeering, positive and entertaining, exactly what that audience expects in a movie like that.
On the kid's journey, they face roadblocks, just as in any good story, however, not enough to take the smile off the audience. You expect that kids to get over on the adults and succeed.
Lastly, it had the requisite "warm and fuzzy" ending that is required in any well done "feel good" Christmas movie.
So as I said, Unaccompanied Minors isn't going to win any awards, however, it does exactly what it sets out to do....warm the audience and make them cheer for the kids.
Grade: A
More to come when I see more movies.
